Maybe it was my imagination, but it seemed Copeland was as visibly annoyed as me at having to listen to Sugar Plum’s grating voice.
NUTCRACKER FOUR REALMS SUGAR PLUM FAIRY DEFEAT MOVIE
The third regent is the Sugar Plum Fairy (Keira Knightley), a character as irritating as athlete’s foot, but not as fun.Īfter a bunch of pomp and circumstance to welcome Princess Clara, Clara is treated to the single decent scene of the entire movie – a ballet (featuring Misty Copeland) explaining the current situation of the four realms in dance, but also unnecessarily narrated by the Sugar Plum Fairy. You can completely disregard the regents of Snow and Flowers, as the movie had no interest in developing either of them beyond costumes. After a quick skirmish in a dark forest, Philip whisks her away to the palace where she meets the regents of three of the four realms. Upon introducing themselves, Philip informs Clara that she is the princess of the four realms, Clara’s mother being the former queen. Once in the realm, Clara meets Philip (Jayden Fowora-Knight), the last remaining Nutcracker soldier in the realms, after chasing a mouse that stole the special key. If I told you anything, I would have to kill you. Little does Clara know, Drosselmeyer has hidden the key at the end of a rope that she must follow that leads her to the four realms. At the party, Clara asks Drosselmeyer (her godfather) to help her open it, but he just shrugs his shoulders and assures Clara that she will figure it out. Clara receives an ornate egg that can only be opened with a special key, but the key is missing.
Stahlbaum gives his three children gifts from their late mother. Prior to attending a Christmas party at her godfather’s house (Morgan Freeman), Mr. Like most Disney princesses, Clara’s mother is dead, giving Clara an excuse to be a complete asshole to her grieving father (Matthew Macfadyen) and pretty much everyone she meets throughout the film. If you were unfortunate enough to have seen A Wrinkle in Time, Clara is easily as loathsome as Wrinkle’s Meg, but wearing late-1800s clothing. Picture Narnia if a pre-school threw up all over it and its people.Ĭlara Stahlbaum (Mackenzie Foy) is our teenaged protagonist who will make you rethink parenthood within ten minutes of the start of the film.
Loosely based on a short story written in 1813 by E.T.A Hoffmann, the film imagines the four realms (Flower, Snow, Sweets, and Amusements) as a tiny place torn by war, populated by peoples who began existence as toys.
The Nutcracker and the Four Realms is what you would get if you smoked a bunch of weed and tried to reverse-engineer a Disney ride based on a movie, but without ever having seen that movie. I do not want to have any more kids anyway. Given a choice between sitting through that film ever again and spending eight days sweating from my nuts, I’ll choose the one where I can buy churros at any time. The night before Halloween, I experienced a different kind of Disney misery, this time in the form of their latest live-action movie The Nutcracker and the Four Realms. Toss in some legendary humidity and now you know where the phrase “swamp ass” comes from. The average temperature there this time of year is low-to-mid 80s, but we were lucky enough to experience low-to-mid 90s because climate change is fake news. A couple of weeks ago, I spent the better part of eight days wandering around the various parks of Disney World.
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